I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
