I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
