Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
