just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
