Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
