I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
