i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
