What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
