Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
