I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
