I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
