Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
