No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
