I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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