'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
