The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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