did you get engaged???
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
