You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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