Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
