remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
