Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My cat gives me a boner
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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