Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
