that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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