My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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