I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
