I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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