Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
