I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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