I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
