There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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