Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love having hate sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
