Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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