hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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