I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
