Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
