it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
