I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
