I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
