You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
