What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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