Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
