My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
