You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
