Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
