New invention idea: vibrating tampons
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
