Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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