Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
