I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
