im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
