Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
