You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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